Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
