Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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