i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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