your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
