I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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