My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
