So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
