I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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