I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
