I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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