You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
