so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
