It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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