Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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