I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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