the condom got lost in my hair
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You're like the curious george of whores
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize