I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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