I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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