dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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