I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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