I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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