We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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