yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
