Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize