so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
