so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
