i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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