You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
