If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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