I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
