You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
