I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
