youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
