Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
