I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
