You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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