Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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