Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.