how can u be prego again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
