Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.