i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary