a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it