Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL

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  (949): just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL http://tfl.nu/7k6t
  Replies (21) Good night (733) Bad night (899)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer

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  (703): Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer http://tfl.nu/3upq
  Replies (42) Good night (3672) Bad night (1009)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

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  (972): Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world http://tfl.nu/83f8
  Replies (36) Good night (7350) Bad night (1170)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.

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  (805): I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more. http://tfl.nu/p4p6
  Replies (5) Good night (3394) Bad night (1034)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...

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  (317): she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart... http://tfl.nu/ywxy
  Replies (8) Good night (2774) Bad night (822)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"

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  (206): do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP" http://tfl.nu/bthl
  Replies (20) Good night (3768) Bad night (1283)
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  (209): View more from California

  Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!

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  (209): Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country! http://tfl.nu/zlp4
  Replies (8) Good night (2317) Bad night (539)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.

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  (913): Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink? (1-913): I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith. http://tfl.nu/78li
  Replies (8) Good night (1401) Bad night (561)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.

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  (314): It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/ccuk
  Replies (8) Good night (531) Bad night (2481)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.

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  (361): Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment. http://tfl.nu/oa4j
  Replies (1) Good night (1243) Bad night (446)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements

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  (727): Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements http://tfl.nu/wb2j
  Replies (4) Good night (475) Bad night (232)
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  (530): View more from California

  Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa

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  (530): Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa http://tfl.nu/e36z
  Replies (4) Good night (341) Bad night (867)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.

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  (250): He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird. http://tfl.nu/qn9s
  Replies (8) Good night (585) Bad night (448)
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  (212): View more from New York

  When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.

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  (212): When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones. http://tfl.nu/g2sl
  Replies (5) Good night (408) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.

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  (716): I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that. http://tfl.nu/47rs
  Replies (2) Good night (201) Bad night (92)

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