You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam