Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

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  (619): thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina http://tfl.nu/dtrt
  Replies (29) Good night (6291) Bad night (950)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

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  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (26062) Bad night (1402)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

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  (717): and on the fourth day, god made foam parties. http://tfl.nu/nmea
  Replies (21) Good night (5157) Bad night (1135)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.

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  (217): Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship. http://tfl.nu/eyj6
  Replies (9) Good night (4760) Bad night (1080)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.

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  (484): No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone. http://tfl.nu/updb
  Replies (6) Good night (2677) Bad night (774)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

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  (660): I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah http://tfl.nu/jyz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2290) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.

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  (806): Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain. http://tfl.nu/iymf
  Replies (16) Good night (3299) Bad night (1023)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.

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  (570): I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo. http://tfl.nu/a7p8
  Replies (3) Good night (1261) Bad night (741)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.

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  (603): I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night. http://tfl.nu/r0y8
  Replies (11) Good night (1245) Bad night (486)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live

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  (954): And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live http://tfl.nu/94h1
  Replies (3) Good night (823) Bad night (741)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.

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  (504): From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra. http://tfl.nu/w04v
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (1164)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.

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  (765): I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it. http://tfl.nu/bmis
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.

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  (770): I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/srdm
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (354)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."

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  (859): Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace." http://tfl.nu/re9p
  Replies (1) Good night (850) Bad night (342)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us

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  (404): I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us http://tfl.nu/m7ov
  Replies (0) Good night (502) Bad night (287)

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