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i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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