Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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