I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
