so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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