life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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