You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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