i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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