I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
