I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
