i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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