you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
