I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
