just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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