No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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