i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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