Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
