I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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