Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Even my vagina gasped.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
