If i come over, it means nothing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
