if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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