LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
