How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
