I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
