i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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