Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
