can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
