Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
