hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If that was your dad, he is hot
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
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Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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