So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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