I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
